handjob tips. give me some.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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