I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Randomize
