shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
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I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
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