There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
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