$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Randomize
