you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
