OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
