Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
