just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
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