Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
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You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
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While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
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