Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
