I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
