Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Randomize
