I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
