I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
