Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
