I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
