Already got asked if we're dating
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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