see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Randomize
