Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things