he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis