i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
