I don't remember. Are we still dating?
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"