I can text with my tongue
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool