I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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