I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
