tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
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