Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
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