Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
We need to get me chipped asap
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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