I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I believe in your delicious
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
