I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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