alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
