And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
My first STD was from a foam party
Only a mothe r could love this liver
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
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