so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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