"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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