I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
