I am spending my child support on dildos
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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