I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
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