hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
