Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
he was CRYING into my vagina
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
10+ Incredible Tumblr Stories That Will Leave You Shook
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita