Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
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Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
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I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?