she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
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I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever