somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding