You work out of a Hotel?
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
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no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
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I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering