Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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