I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize