I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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