I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
