I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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