It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Randomize
