Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
She's just so happy...and so naked.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
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