I wanna bring you to show and tell
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Randomize
