i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
