i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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