You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
