i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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