After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Randomize
