i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
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