Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize