Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
