I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Did I show you my penis last night?
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm experimenting with sincerity
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
