the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
