i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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