Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
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I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
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Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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