Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
