im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I think my moral compass just broke
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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