You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
