hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
